California Family Minute

We did plenty of the typical activities, like catching fish that got bigger each time we retold the story, competition in water volleyball and basketball, and a couple of close calls on motorcycles. “Manly” stuff, y’know.

We cried, too. Many things prompted the tears, but most painful were the stories about losing dads. Some dads were lost through death, but others through divorce or disowning. One friend said that if he could have only one conversation it would be with his biological father; when he was three years old his dad departed the home, after many incidents of dad’s abuse. More than 50 years later, my friend has deep-seated emotions about his “dad.”

Other men spoke of the decisions they had made that prompted their dad’s anger and separation from them. Even years after some of the relationships had been mended, men still cried over the pain of the ordeal.

The father of modern psychology, Sigmund Freud, said, “I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection.” Sadly, prisons are filled with the evidence of its absence.

The undeniable truth is that every child needs both a mother and a father. It is not coincidence that an 11-year-old California boy being raised by a lesbian couple has been claiming to be a girl since he was three. Lacking consistent and healthy models from both genders, children are likely to struggle more in their own gender identification.  

So when you hear the argument that same-gender marriage won’t hurt you, please refute it. The absence of mother-love or father-love sends waves of hurt from the nuclear family to an entire society, contributing to emotional disorders and added generations of family dysfunction and social maladies. It is profoundly naive to think our lives are lived in a vacuum.