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Father Knows Best

Father Knows Best

by Rebecca Burgoyne, CFC Research Analyst

June 24, 2010

In a 2009 Harris Poll, Americans chose 1950’s era television characters Ward Cleaver, Jim Anderson, Andy Taylor, and Ozzie Nelson, along with The Cosby Show’s Cliff Huxtable, as the television dads they would have liked to have had growing up. A generation ago, fathers were honored on television, and many of us identified with these all-American dads. These traditional fathers worked hard to support their families, and took their parenting seriously – involved, caring, and dependable. 
 
Today’s media diet includes Homer Simpson, Allen Harper (Two and a Half Men), Robby Stewart (Hannah Montana), Phil Dunphy (Modern Family), and Joel Graham (Parenthood), and, regardless of your opinion of the programs, none of these characters portray what one might consider traditional father roles. Television has begun depicting capable, breadwinning mothers who hold their families together and, often, bumbling dads who are uninvolved in their children’s lives. 
 
While neither the ultra-idealized fathers of another day nor today’s comic buffoons are totally realistic, the truth is, that, though families may be blended, and both parents may work outside the home, children need both their mother and their father.  Despite the prevalence of divorce, recent Rasmussen polling found that 80 percent of Americans believe it’s very important for children to grow up in a home with both their parents, and 72 percent said those who do have an advantage over children whose parents were divorced. 
 
Downplaying the roles of mother and father, culture today depicts a unigender parent who lovingly nurtures happy, well-adjusted children. The problem is, this characterization runs completely contrary to what is borne out by decades of research. While both men and women are capable of nurturing children, fathers and mothers have unique, complementary and necessary functions in raising a child.
 
Children Need Both Mom and Dad
In an oft-quoted analogy by sociologist David Popenoe, mothers supply the roots and fathers the wings. Mothers stress relationships and emotional security while fathers stress taking risks and competition. Mothers concentrate on the child’s immediate well being, while fathers – emphasizing character traits such as independence and self-reliance – focus on children’s future ability to take care of themselves. Even play styles are different. Fathers introduce children to rough housing, teaching them to take care of themselves and control their behavior. Mothers play quieter with their children – spending time talking and teaching. In discipline, fathers hold to the rules, emphasizing justice and fairness; mothers’ more gentle nature stresses sympathy and caring. Together they create a healthy balance. (For more on this, see the resources below.) 
 
There is no substitute for fathers – and the lack of one affects both girls and boys profoundly. To be sure, many children from single-parent families have overcome the statistics. However, boys who grow up without fathers show an increased propensity to violence and sexual aggressiveness – often resulting in delinquency and crime. One study reflects a 70 percent fatherless statistic for boys in state reform institutions. Girls who grow up without fathers grow up with comparatively lower self-esteem and show a higher propensity to flirt and look for “love” in the wrong places. These girls are 111 percent more likely to become teen mothers and 164 percent more likely to have a child outside of marriage than their peers who grow up with fathers in the home.  Poverty, emotional and behavioral problems, substance abuse, teen suicide, and poor success in school are all indices in fatherless America.
 
Unigender Parenting
David Popenoe says, “We should disavow the notion that ‘mommies can make good daddies,’ just as we should disavow the popular notion of radical feminists that ‘daddies can make good mommies.’ …The two sexes are different to the core, and each is necessary – culturally and biologically – for the optimal development of a human being.” Despite a solid body of evidence showing the need for both a mother and a father, homosexuals have been on a quest to legitimize themselves and their relationships as adequate – and normal – for children. Homosexual activists have churned out “evidence" that their “parenting” is just as functional as that of their heterosexual peers. While it may be true that, in many cases, homosexuals may be good parents (and heterosexuals may be failures), children raised in homosexual homes are more open to nontraditional gender roles and likely to explore homosexual behavior themselves. Whileone-quarter of the adult children raised by lesbians in one study had engaged in a same-sex relationship, none of those raised by a heterosexual mother had. Additionally, lesbian mothers tend to have a feminizing effect on their sons, and a masculinizing effect on their daughters.
 
Most of the “good-parenting” studies trumpeted by homosexuals have been done by prominent pro-homosexual researchers – hardly unbiased – and have used small samples. The study extolled by the media earlier this month is no exception. Published in the journal Pediatrics, and acclaimed in Time magazine, the study – produced by the pro-homosexual Williams Institute – claims that children raised by lesbian parents are more successful than their peers in heterosexual households. Focusing on “planned” lesbian households, researchers claimed children in lesbian homes scored higher than kids in straight homes on some measures of self-esteem and confidence, did better academically, and had fewer behavioral problems.
 
Even the authors of the study admit their study’s limitations – primarily the nonrandom, non-representative samples and their inability to control for race or gender. 154 lesbian mothers in 84 families, who undoubtedly had a self-interest in the outcome, answered the assessment questionnaires, and outside indices – like school achievement and teacher interviews were not included. Such a small sample of volunteers is unlikely to represent a cross section of society.    In contrast, reliable studies establish their validity by using large, random samples that can be cross-tabulated for various influence factors, and by replicating their results over time.   
 
Moreover, the results of the study contradict other noted studies. A recent study of 485 sperm-donor conceived children showed that, as grown-ups, they struggle with the anonymity of their parentage, and were more likely to experience depression, delinquency, and substance abuse than their peers who were adopted as infants or raised by biological parents.  Those in this study raised by lesbian parents had greater tendencies to drug abuse – a factor not found in the lesbian parenting study. 
 
The results of the “lesbians make better parents” study also contradict the accepted notion that children are impacted by parental breakups. (More than half of the lesbian households in the study experienced a break up.) Finally, the study ignores the long-studied risks of father absence in the lives of children, a notion that lesbian parents would like to forget. The study showed no difference between boys and girls, unlikely in most studies that reflect father absence. These marked inconsistencies support the notion that the mothers reported rosier outcomes than reality would dictate. 
                                               
President Barack Obama, a strong advocate for the homosexual community, played to the PC police last week in the release of his annual Fathers Day proclamation.  Extolling fathers, the president said, “Nurturing families come in many forms, and children may be raised by a father and mother, a single father, two fathers, a step father, a grandfather, or caring guardian.” Intentionally denying children both a mother and a father focuses on the self-interests of the adults – and not on the best for children. 
 
For more information:
 
Focus on the Family’s Issue Analysis, “Mom and Dad: Kids Need Both.”
Focus on the Family’s Issue Analysis, “Fatherhood Facts.”
“Are Same-Sex Families Good for Children? , ” Glenn T. Stanton.
National Fatherhood Initiative, www.fathering.org.
 
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