The Myths Versus The Reality of Living Together

The Myths versus the Reality of Living Together

♥ Cohabitation ends in broken relationships

Young people are led to believe that cohabiting (living together outside of marriage) is a good “test run” that will help determine whether or not a relationship can go the distance. However, the opposite is true. Studies show the following:

·         50% of couples who live together before marriage end their relationships.[i]

·         Those who live together before marriage have higher separation and divorce rates.  (Reported by the universities of Chicago and Michigan, and many other sources).

·         Marriages that are preceded by living together have 50% higher disruption rates than marriages without cohabitation.[ii]

·         Studies show that more than eight out of ten couples who live together will break up either before the wedding or afterwards in divorce. [iii]

♥ Relational and Behavioral Problems stem from Cohabitation

Some couples who decide to cohabitate prior, or instead, of marrying often believe that living together will allow them to learn how to effectively communicate with the emotional strains marriage may create.  However, research does not support their belief.

• Living together means more arguments, less problem solving skills are involved, and there is a greater rate for couples need for counseling.

• Studies show that later on (if they marry) the couple will consider marriage to be less important.
• According to the National Institute for Health Care Research, couples not involved before marriage are more satisfied in their sex life. 72% of all “traditionalist” (couples who waited for marriage to have sex) couples reported higher sexual satisfaction.
• Cohabitation can also produce more aggression and behavioral problems for couples, including alcoholism, higher depression rates, greater instability, and higher chances (56 times higher) of women being assaulted in the home. [iv]

♥ The More Couples Cohabit, the Worse Things Get

A 1997 study found that “cohabitation increased young people’s acceptance of divorce, but other independent living situations did not.” 

• Increased “months of exposure to cohabitation the more often couples have broken up, 40% have married (but may not last) and only 21% are still cohabiting.”
• Research has yet to find any positive contribution of cohabitation. [v]

♥ Effects on Children

• Children raised in a cohabitating homes are 20 times more likely to be abused.
• Children whose mother lives with a boyfriend are 33 times more likely to be abused.
• Children in these cases experience increased behavioral problems, lower academic achievement, and are five times more likely to experience parents separating. [vi]

 For more information pertaining to marriage and it’s positive effects on children and relationships, please read “The Case for Marriage,” by Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher

To see a review of the book, click here.

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