Living Together (Cohabitation): The Numbers

Living Together (Cohabitation): The Numbers

The Effects of Living Together (Cohabitation)

1)      Those that live together before marriage tend not to marry. Over 50% of couples who live together before marriage end their relationships before marriage.[i]

2)      Those that live together before marriage have higher separation and divorce rates. The Journal of Marriage and Family reported that marriages that are preceded by living together have 50% higher disruption rates then marriages without cohabitation. [ii]

3)      Those that live together before marriage have unhappier marriages. In general those who live together first: seek counseling more, separate more, view marriage as less important. [iii]

4)      Living together equates to more frequent disagreements, less problem solving skills, lower levels of fairness and happiness. [iv]

5)      Those that live together do not experience the best sexual relationship. The National Institute for Health Care Research found that couples not involved before marriage are more satisfied in their sex life. Family Research Council found that 72% of all married "traditionalist” couples reported higher sexual satisfaction. [v]

6)      Cohabiting results in more behavioral and alcohol problems, aggression is twice as common, there is greater instability, lower relationship satisfaction, depression rates are higher, and women's chances of being assaulted 56 times higher. [vi]

7)      Living together outside of marriage negatively impacts children. According to the National Marriage Project, children living with cohabiting biological parents who are unmarried are 20 times more likely to be abused and children whose mother lives with a boyfriend are 33 times more likely to be abused. Children in these cases have more behavioral problems, poorer academic scores, and are five times more likely to experience parents separating. [vii]

Research concludes that mature love is built on the security of knowing that your love is exclusive and permanent.

“Should we live together”

In their study, “Shall We Live Together,” David Poponoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, reveals startling facts regarding cohabitation.  Through comprehensive research analysis, they found that living together is a greater contributor to marital failure.  While many use the idea that they are avoiding divorce by living together before marrying, research suggests the opposite is true. [viii]

The 1997 study found “cohabitation increased young people’s acceptance of divorce, but other independent living experiences did not.” [ix]

Further, studies have found, the more months couples live together the greater instance of relationship demise.  According to research, while 40% of cohabitating couples have married (but may not have lasted) only 21% are still living together, but not necessarily with the same person. [x]

The study also made the following findings:

1. No positive contribution of cohabitation has ever been found. [xi]
2. Cohabitation brings with it physical risks for women and children. [xii]
3. Cohabitation is detrimental to a couple’s emotional and relational health. [xiii]
4. Depression is more likely in people who cohabitate. [xiv]

Cohabitation by the Numbers

Michael McManus, the President of Marriage Savers, provides statistics on living together before marriage.  Simply, he finds that, statistically, living together is not a try-out for marriage, but rather training for divorce. [xv]

• The number of unmarried couples living together soared 12-fold from 430,000 in 1960 to 5.4 million in 2005. [xvi]
• More than eight out of ten couples who live together will break up either before the wedding, or afterward in divorce. [xvii]
• About 45 percent of those who cohabitate do not marry. Another 5-10 percent continue living together and do not marry. [xviii]
• Couples who do marry after living together are 50% more likely to divorce than those who do not. [xix]
• Only 12 percent of couples who have begun their relationship with cohabitation remain married for 10 years or more. [xx]
• A Penn State study reports that even a month’s cohabitation decreases the quality of the couple’s relationship. [xxi]

Additional statistics relating to the children of cohabiting parents:

• Children of cohabiting parents are ten times more likely to be sexually abused by a stepparent than by a parent.
• Children of cohabiting parents are three times more likely to be expelled from school, and girls are three times more likely to become pregnant as teenagers, than children from an intact home with married parents. [xxii]
• Children of cohabiting parents are five times more apt to live below poverty levels, and 22 times more likely to be incarcerated. [xxiii]